Host Family Tips - Vacations

Vacations - Yours and Theirs

The State Department regulates that the au pair gets 2 weeks vacation per year.  That is 'their' vacation.  Numerous families, including myself take the au pairs on our family vacations, and have them work.  This is 'your' vacation; not theirs.  

If you take the au pair on your vacation, you need to pay for their lodging, travel, food and provide a clear work schedule; just like you would at home.  Over the years I've heard of lots of issues that have arisen around vacations, overworking au pairs, etc; that could have been avoided if the family and au pair had communicated and the family provided clear expectations of the trip.  Instead of "Hey great, we are all going on vacation to Disney World", you need to lay out the expectations prior to leaving.  

For example: 

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  This is a 'working' vacation for you.  We need help with the kids.
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  We will provide your transportation to Florida with the family. 
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  We will have a room for you to stay in.
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  We will expect you to work up to 45 hours, either during the day maybe in the parks or in the evenings so we can go out.  We will let you know the schedule so you know when you are off.
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  You will have time off where you can do things on your own.
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  If you want to get into additional parks besides the ones we need you in, you may have to pay for your own park passes.
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  If you want to do additional activities on your own, paying for them is your  responsibility.
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  We will provide you with meals with the family, like at home.  If you want to go out to restaurants on your own, that is your responsibility, just like at home.

There is nothing to say you HAVE to take the au pair with you on vacation.  If you don't need her to work, you can give her the option of staying home, taking a week of vacation somewhere else on her own as her vacation time, or traveling with you and paying her own way - as long as she isn't working.

I had a family do something like that.  They didn't need the au pair to work, but they had the space for her in their vacation condo.  So they gave her a choice of staying home, or buying her own ticket to Hawaii, but once she was there, she could house with the family.  She bought a ticket!

When my daughter was 3, I gave my au pair the option of coming with us or staying home on a trip to Vegas.  She chose to stay home.  My mistake.  After one week with a 3 year old in Vegas I decide I would never again travel without an au pair!  It is one of those luxuries of having an au pair - have au pair, can travel!

As far as her vacation, just let her know well ahead of time that she needs to discuss and get approval in advance for anytime she may want off for vacation.  This way you can make other childcare arrangements.

Considering An Au Pair? - Choosing An Agency

Au Pair Agencies or "Sponsors"
 

According to the US State Department, there are 12 agencies in the United States that are authorized to sponsor au pairs.  All of these agencies need to follow the regulations laid out by the State Department, so they are similar in numerous way.  What families need to compare is the ways they are dissimilar to find the agency that is right for them.  

Here are some very important considerations:

1)  Is there a coordinator or representative near you?  The State Department says someone should be within 60 miles or 1 hour of your home.  The larger agencies have representatives in all major cities and most suburbs; some of the other agencies do not.  If you sign up with an agency that only services Florida, what happens if you get transferred to Virginia.  That au pair who is living with you can NOT come since that agency does not have reps in VA.  So the next question would be...

2) How big is the agency and can it accommodate you if you have to move? 

3) Who is the local coordinator and how big is the group in your area?  I couldn't even count  the number of families I've had come to my group because the other local groups are so small.  Social interaction is VERY important to the au pairs, and if they can't meet other au pairs they can become very isolated.  See what monthly activities and meeting the coordinator has planned; everyone should be having them, it is regulated by the State Department, but not every local representative does.

4) How do they do the matching?  Every agency is different how they match au pairs.  I actually worked for a while as a matching coordinator; and it was lots of fun.  Include my number of years running a nanny agency and matching families and nannies; and it is my personal belief that finding the right au pair is one of the most important parts of the process.  Some agencies give you and other families lists and lists to scroll through.  I'm personally pretty wary of that system, since it becomes very competitive when several families are interviewing the same girl.  It also puts a lot of power into the hands of the au pairs.  I've also gotten several families come to me after this process, very frustrated.  If they have twins, or more than 3 kids, or not that fancy of a house, the au pairs kept turning them down for 'better offers' from families with less kids, or a better home location.  The other system, which we use, is one on one matching, which means you're the only family looking at that au pair.  The agency I work for has integrated that system in a mix where families can look at au pairs, then request a one-on-one match with that au pair. 

5) How do they train the au pairs?  The State Department requires each agency provide the au pair with a certain number of training hours,; how they do that can vary GREATLY by agency.  Some just send video tapes overseas and tell the au pairs to watch it before they arrive, others put them in hotels and conference rooms for a few days, and one has a permanent location with housing just for the au pairs.  This is how your au pair is going to get oriented to the US and spend their first week here, it is a good thing to find out when comparing agencies.

6) What happens if it doesn't work out?  Yep, it happens.  Sometimes it is just a bad match for numerous different reasons, the question is, how will your agency handle it if it doesn't work out.  My first au pair lasted 2 weeks, so I know!   She was allergic to my dogs.  The changing process for me was very smooth, within 2 weeks they found me another au pair in the country, available right away; and found her a home with no dogs. My new au pair was awesome and we still keep in touch.  Ask the agency you are considering about how they work this.  Do they have enough au pairs in the country to get you someone right away?  Or are they so small they have to go overseas so you have to wait 5 -6 weeks?  Do they charge a fee?  When I first heard about some agencies doing this I was STUNNED.  If I were with them, I would have to pay more money because the person I got couldn't live in my home because of dogs.  That is like adding insult to injury.

7) Costs?  In general most agencies have about the same fees.  A few agencies require you pay certain au pairs more weekly depending on their skills; but usually they are the same with the au pair's stipend being based on an equation that deals with minimum wage.  Insider tip:  When contacting an agency or their representative - ask about specials, promotions etc.  in my experience, there is usually one but may not be widely advertised.

8) What countries do they come from? The larger agencies recruit from over 30 countries, the smaller one from around 10.  Find out where they recruit from, do they have their own offices or do they use agents?  This will help you know how much selection you will have.

These are the main questions you want to ask while exploring an agency.  Other things you may want to check will be their refund policy, if you quit the program or if you loose your job.  Ask for references from other local families, see how they like the local representative.  

Yes, I work for one of the largest agencies, but I'm not putting that information here...2 reasons.  1) I want to be as unbiased as possible, though as you can read, I do make my opinions known and 2) I would rather you call me directly to learn more about the program, since we do get credit for bringing in new people.

Differences between Au Pairs and Nannies

Why is an au pair different from a nanny?

Au pair are here on a J1 Visa, so there is a limit to the number of hours they can work and a minimum amount they can be paid. However, in my experience, they have more flexibility in the hours the can work versus the hours that most nannies are willing to work. It can be difficult to find a nanny who will do a split shift which is needed because of school, whereas it is an easy solution with an au pair.

Nannies generally want more pay for more children; the au pair stipend stays the same regardless of the number of children in your family.

Nannies are considered employees according to the IRS, and families, as employers, are required to do withholdings, pay and file their employer wages with the IRS on a regular basis. Au pairs get a stipend and families do not have to worry about employer filings according to the government.

Summer Meeting - at the Pool

Host Family Tips - Going Home

The initial Visa is for 1 year, with the opportunity to renew for another year; so in 1 maybe 2 years you will be saying goodbye.  I'll be the first to admit it is very sad, though everyone of my au pairs have come back to visit us after going home, and we stay connected through emails, Facebook, and phone calls, I still miss them.

Au pairs have left our home while my daughter was 3, 4, and 6 years old.  So we have developed certain rituals to help her adjust.  One of the things we do is get our au pair an album and put in pictures of her year with us; we also take a picture of the au pair and my daughter and put it on my daughter's bed.  She has a row of photos on her bed with 'big sisters' from overseas.

One thing we learned after the first year was not to let my daughter go to the airport to say goodbye.  At the age of 3 she associated the airport as some place you go and don't come back from; so when Mommy had to fly out for trips, she had meltdowns for almost a year.  so now we say goodbye to the girls at our home.  

We also help our daughter look ahead to the next au pair and next adventure, versus focusing on the loss.  Though as she has gotten older she understands that au pairs leave, we don't make it a huge deal, and often only really start discussing it about 1 to 2 weeks prior to the au pair's leaving.  Though by that point we've 'introduced' her to the next au pair; it wasn't until recently that she started putting together "one has to leave for the next to arrive."

Each child is individual so obviously do what is best for your child.  Don't let the au pairs eventual leaving be a hindrance to getting an au pair.  In my experience the good times obviously overrule the bad, and there isn't any childcare (besides parents) that I've discovered that lasts through an entire childhood.  Nannies can stay shorter than 1 year, or last longer; same with daycare providers, teachers, and coaches.  People make connections and then move away. This loss is part of life and unfortunately part of a child's development.  The best we can do as parents is support them through these experiences.

Host Family Tips - Interview Questions

I always suggest sending an email first as an introduction and asking a good time to call.  Some au pairs do not have regular email, so if you don't hear from her, call anyway.  It is nice to tell the au pair some about your family (since she is limited as to the information she has gotten) so that she can ask some appropriate questions about you.

Why do you want to be an au pair?

Will this be your first time away from home?  Do you think you will feel homesick?

What will be the most difficult part of your year?

What do you do in your free time?

What are your plans when you return home?

What are some of the things you want to do while your here?

What age children have you cared for?

What were your responsibilities?

What do you like most about caring for children?  What do you like least?

What will you do if the children won't listen?

How long have you been driving?  Where? How often?  How do you feel about driving in this area?

What would you do if the baby is sleeping?

What activities do you do with my age children?

What activities would you do if it were raining?

How would you react if my child says "But Mommy and Daddy let me do it"?

Also think of things that are specific to your children, family and area.  If there was something on the application that gave you hesitation or you weren't sure about, ASK.

Au Pair Tips - What Families Love

What Host Parents Love:

 

Au Pairs who:

a.       Are cheerful and talkative – ones who tell them about themselves and about what they do with the kids

b.      Ask questions – ask if they are doing a good job, and if there is anything they need to improve on.

c.       Do things without having to be asked.  They do everything they are supposed to do without having to be reminded and even anticipate host parent’s and children’s needs.

d.        Occasionally do extra things they are not required to do (ie. Cleaning up a room in the house, vacuuming out the car or helping out with the kids when it isn’t your official time to work).  Usually these “extras” are appreciated and you will see host families doing extra for you too.