Info About Au Pairs

It is Joy or Is it Juggling?

2010-08-28T18:59:00.000-04:00

Yep, that time of year again. Anyone remember the woman dancing through the aisle of Staples buying back to school supplies? Are you dancing or weeping or both?

With school comes extra challenges, extra activities, and the need to find 'split shift' childcare. Good luck finding a nanny who will take off in the middle of the day, yet work mornings and evenings for you. I ran a nanny agency for 5 years.. found 1!

I always recommended au pairs for school age children. Besides the fact you have just added in a language tutor, chauffeur, babysitter, cook, and homeworker helper in 1 person - it is comparatively affordable compared to other options!

So..will going back to school be joyful..or will you be juggling so many things you are in tears?

August 2010 Au Pair Meeting

2010-08-15T18:23:00.001-04:00

We met by the pool, most of the au pair in Hampton Roads. I forgot to count how many countries were represented, but it was quite a few. It was a beautiful day and a great time to enjoy the sun and new friendships. I will miss those au pairs going home... but we have so many new au pairs in our group it was wonderful to get together!

Top 10 Tips for Welcoming Your Au Pair

2010-08-04T13:01:00.002-04:00

Top 10 Tips for Welcoming Your Au Pair

I found this post from a fellow Host Mom. I really liked it and wanted to re post it on my site.

Thanks Sam

I just welcomed my 11th au pair just over a week ago and spent the weekend helping to orient her to our home, family and community. It is an exciting time for everyone but can also be exhausting so here are 10 tips I have for other families going through a similar process.
Keep in mind, it is important to be realistic with yourself, your family and your au pair about expectations for the first couple of days and recognize that you are all just starting the orienting process. You won’t be able to cram it all in and expect the best results. The more items you can put in writing as a support to ongoing conversations the better.
#1 Get to know her and allow her to get to know your family. Don’t plan big events the first weekend where she will have to get to know a lot of people but do spend time together learning about one another.
#2 Help make her feel welcome and show her how she can get involved with your family. When in doubt at the beginning, we include our au pair as much as possible in family activities until she makes friends and/or you or she decides she doesn’t wish to participate.
#3 Share critical information your au pair needs in the first week – where the children will go (activities, school, camp etc), her schedule as well as the kids for the week (in writing), things the kids like to eat, and strategies for being successful with the kids (i.e. the kids have a hard time leaving without any notice and will put up a fight. A good way to avoid this is to give them a 10 minute warning and then 5 minute warning. At 2 minutes, say lets get our shoes on it is time to leave.)
#4 Get a map of your community and mark the important place she will go. Show her/drive her around your community on day one and have her bring her map with her. After day one, talk about where you are going and have her drive there. It’s good practice for her driving and learning the community and will help give you confidence in her ability to get around after the first few days.
#5 Connect her to other au pairs. If she doesn’t know anyone yet in your community, reach out to your LCC and help get her connected. Going for coffee is empowering and an important step in connecting with others.
#6 Show her what you want her to do – don’t just tell her. Do a dry run on a typical day from soup to nuts so she sees how you want her to do it and can take it from there.
#7 Share with her some of the reasons why you chose her as your au pair. This helps her to feel more confident and connected to you and your family.
#8 Ask her what kinds of foods she likes to eat. If it is something outside of what your family might normally eat, see if you can incorporate something from her culture/home to make her feel at home even far from home.
#9 Personalizing her room. Ask her if there is anything needed – blankets, pillows, etc. I also put a welcome basket or flowers and a picture drawn by the kids to make her feel welcome.
#10 Talk about things she wishes to accomplish or see in her year and then help her plan how and when to do them.
What tips do you have welcoming someone new into your home?

Host Family Tips - Vacations

2010-07-29T10:38:00.004-04:00

Vacations - Yours and Theirs

The State Department regulates that the au pair gets 2 weeks vacation per year. That is 'their' vacation. Numerous families, including myself take the au pairs on our family vacations, and have them work. This is 'your' vacation; not theirs.

If you take the au pair on your vacation, you need to pay for their lodging, travel, food and provide a clear work schedule; just like you would at home. Over the years I've heard of lots of issues that have arisen around vacations, overworking au pairs, etc; that could have been avoided if the family and au pair had communicated and the family provided clear expectations of the trip. Instead of "Hey great, we are all going on vacation to Disney World", you need to lay out the expectations prior to leaving.

For example:

This is a 'working' vacation for you. We need help with the kids.
We will provide your transportation to Florida with the family.
We will have a room for you to stay in.
We will expect you to work up to 45 hours, either during the day maybe in the parks or in the evenings so we can go out. We will let you know the schedule so you know when you are off.
You will have time off where you can do things on your own.
If you want to get into additional parks besides the ones we need you in, you may have to pay for your own park passes.
If you want to do additional activities on your own, paying for them is your responsibility.
We will provide you with meals with the family, like at home. If you want to go out to restaurants on your own, that is your responsibility, just like at home.

There is nothing to say you HAVE to take the au pair with you on vacation. If you don't need her to work, you can give her the option of staying home, taking a week of vacation somewhere else on her own as her vacation time, or traveling with you and paying her own way - as long as she isn't working.

I had a family do something like that. They didn't need the au pair to work, but they had the space for her in their vacation condo. So they gave her a choice of staying home, or buying her own ticket to Hawaii, but once she was there, she could house with the family. She bought a ticket!

When my daughter was 3, I gave my au pair the option of coming with us or staying home on a trip to Vegas. She chose to stay home. My mistake. After one week with a 3 year old in Vegas I decide I would never again travel without an au pair! It is one of those luxuries of having an au pair - have au pair, can travel!

As far as her vacation, just let her know well ahead of time that she needs to discuss and get approval in advance for anytime she may want off for vacation. This way you can make other childcare arrangements.

Host Family Tips - Interview Questions

2010-04-29T10:54:00.000-04:00

I always suggest sending an email first as an introduction and asking a good time to call. Some au pairs do not have regular email, so if you don't hear from her, call anyway. It is nice to tell the au pair some about your family (since she is limited as to the information she has gotten) so that she can ask some appropriate questions about you.

Why do you want to be an au pair?

Will this be your first time away from home? Do you think you will feel homesick?

What will be the most difficult part of your year?

What do you do in your free time?

What are your plans when you return home?

What are some of the things you want to do while your here?

What age children have you cared for?

What were your responsibilities?

What do you like most about caring for children? What do you like least?

What will you do if the children won't listen?

How long have you been driving? Where? How often? How do you feel about driving in this area?

What would you do if the baby is sleeping?

What activities do you do with my age children?

What activities would you do if it were raining?

How would you react if my child says "But Mommy and Daddy let me do it"?

Also think of things that are specific to your children, family and area. If there was something on the application that gave you hesitation or you weren't sure about, ASK.

Au Pair Tips - What Annoys Host Families

2010-03-01T10:51:00.000-05:00

What Annoys Host Families?

Showing up for work late or not ready to take over. The primary complaint is that au pairs wake up a few minutes before they are supposed to start and have not showered, dressed, or eaten breakfast when they are supposed to start. Remember that your work hours are exactly that – work hours. You are supposed to be watching the children, doing chores or driving to pick up the children. You can’t do this if you are still getting dressed or eating. This means that starting your breakfast when you are supposed to be watching the child is not ok. Also, if you appear on the scene on the exact moment you are supposed to start, it doesn’t give your host parent any time to give you instructions before they go out the door.

Eating habits and costs. Most families are very accommodating in buying food for you that you like or giving you some money for food that you desire. Some families feel that au pairs either A. Eat everything in the cabinets or refrigerator without asking, or B. buy expensive food with the host parents’ money. Please be sensitive to the fact that there are others in the house and that perhaps some special food has been purchased for a party they are having or for special needs of the children. If you are unsure about what you are allowed to eat – ask! Also, if your host family allows you to use their money/credit cards to buy food – then please realize that this money is not limitless – you should not be constantly buying expensive prepared foods, snacks, sodas and candies with your host family’s money. Make sure you give them a receipt from the grocery/drug store and ask them before you buy things if it is ok for you to buy certain things you like. You should be willing to prepare some of your own meals (if you aren’t eating with the host family). Your host family is responsible for feeding you but that does not mean that they have to pay for the most expensive option or for every extra sweet snack you desire. You are supposed to use your pocket money for this. Also, if you eat with your host family – please make sure you help with dinner in some way (either cooking or cleaning up).

Rushing out the door at the end of the day or hanging around the host families too much. Either extreme is generally not good. Host families want you to have fun and go out and host parents occasionally need their privacy, so give them some space if you find yourself at home a lot. On the other hand, if you are running out the door the second you are done with work every day, this is also not good. It sends the message that you are only here to socialize with friends and don’t want a relationship with the host family. Each family is different in their expectations. Remember that many host families will not tell you that you are in the way or that you should stay home or eat dinner with them sometimes. They feel uncomfortable saying these things and worry that you will either go out more or stay home more but will resent it. The best bet is to strike a happy medium. Also – remember that most host families LOVE to hear about their kids and enjoy it when you tell them something fun you did with their kids or something good or helpful their kids did. This shows you like being with their children and makes them feel you are doing a good job. Reserve negative comments about the kids for times the children are not present.

What is An Au Pair

2009-07-29T10:05:00.004-04:00

What is an au pair?
The au pair program is a combination of childcare plus cultural exchange that offers your family a flexible, affordable childcare option. Your au pair lives with you as a member of your family for one year with the option to extend an additional 6 to 12 months.

Au pairs are 18 - 26 years old, can speak English, enjoy children and have previous childcare experience. They can assist your family with light household duties, such as preparing the children's meals, picking up after the children, doing their laundry, and cleaning their rooms. Au pairs can also take the kids to appointments, activities, and school as well as teach them about their culture and their language.

Au pairs work up to 45 hours per week, and up to 10 hours per day. They can do split shifts that will allow them to get the kids off to school in the morning, have off in the middle of the day, and back on when the children return home from school. Au pairs can also help out on 3 weekends per month and give the parents time to go out in the evenings.

In my opinion, au pairs are brave young women and men, who set off between the ages of 18 - 26 to live with another family, in another country, in another culture and watch their child/ren. What an adventure.

In general au pairs:

are young women (though some agencies have male au pairs, in fact the International Au Pair of the Year for 2009 was a young man with a family in Richmond, Virginia)
speak English (varying degrees)
have International Driver's licenses (not all do, and experience will vary)
have childcare experience (again this will vary)
are here legally on a J1 Visa
come from all around the World!

State Department Regulations

2009-08-29T10:16:00.001-04:00

State Department Regulations for Au Pair Program

This is directly off of the State Department's site, I've put in bold some of the key points for families and in red added my own information.

Au Pair

Regulations pertaining specifically to the Au Pair category are found at [22 CFR 62.31].
Through the Au Pair program foreign nationals between 18 and 26 years of age participate directly in the home life of a host family by providing limited childcare services for up to 12 months. Can be renewed, so they can stay up to 2 years! Childcare is limited to no more than 10 hours per day, and to a maximum of 45 hours per week.
Au pairs are compensated for their work according to the Fair Labor Standards Act as interpreted and implemented by the U.S. Department of Labor. Participants in the Au Pair program must be proficient in spoken English, and are required to complete at least six hours of academic credit or its equivalent at an accredited US post-secondary educational institution. Host families are required to pay up to $500 toward the cost of the au pair's required academic course work. These education hours need to work around the families schedule. They can't take day classes if you need them to work days.
Au pair participants may not be placed with a family having an infant aged less than three months unless a parent or other responsible adult is at home. Neither may au pairs be placed in homes with children under two years of age unless the au pair has at least 200 hours of documented infant childcare experience. Au pairs are not to be placed in families with a special needs child, so identified by the family, unless the au pair has specifically identified prior experience, skill, or training in caring for special needs children and the host family has reviewed and acknowledged the stated prior experience, skills, or training in writing. Please refer to the regulations for details.
Sponsors are required to screen and select both host families and au pairs as program participants according to selection criteria stated in the regulations. Interested parties should contact the sponsoring organizations directly to obtain additional information regarding their program. All au pairs are to receive specific orientation and program information from the sponsor prior to departure from their home countries for the United States. Please refer to the regulations for details. Pre-arrival information for all exchange visitors is defined at [22 CFR 62.10(b)(1-8)] and specifically for au pairs at [22 CFR 62.31(f)]. Orientation material (post-arrival) is defined at [22 CFR 62.10(c)(1-7)]. Selected host families also receive specific information from the sponsor. Orientation for host families is discussed in the regulations at [22 CFR 62.31(i)(1-4)].

The sponsor is to provide au pairs with training in child development and child safety prior to their placement with a host family. A minimum of eight hours of child safety instruction, of which at least four relate to infants, and a minimum of 24 hours of child development instruction, of which at least four relate to children under two years of age, are required. This "training" can vary widely by agency...some send the au pairs a video to watch, others have a permanent school they attend, my agency uses the later.

Host families and au pairs must sign Host Family-Au Pair Agreements prior to the au pair's placement in the host family's home. In the event of questions regarding refunds or other adjustments host families and au pairs should refer to their agreements. The Department of State does not have jurisdiction over contractual obligations.

Considering An Au Pair? - Selection Tips

2009-09-29T10:22:00.002-04:00

Selection Tips:

My best advice when selecting an au pair:

1) Write down what skills and traits are important to your family (driver, homework help, infant experience, etc) then use that list when evaluating each application you review. If you want your children to learn Spanish and that is a key reason for having an au pair outside of childcare, then of course ask for countries where Spanish is spoken.

2) When talking to au pairs ask 'open ended questions' this will give you a better opportunity to evaluate their English skills and their personalities.

3) Use email to follow up on additional questions you may have after the interview or schedule a follow up call so you can both think about additional questions you may have.

4) Be very realistic about what they can expect in your home. Tell the truth about childcare duties, car usage, curfew, and the area where you live. It is better to be up front now, than have them walk out when it isn't what they expected. See expectations.

5) Understand that in 99% of the au pairs - English is a 2nd Language. Some of the translations for their applications and interviews are coming straight out of a book or Babel Fish. Slang terms are rarely learned, so be careful using them. For example "My son Joey is just loosing his mind lately." may not translate well in a conversation overseas! In fact they will most likely think your son became very ill recently. The same goes for their terminology. The first time an Australian told me she was going to put her "bag in the boot" I thought she lost her mind. FYI a "boot" is the trunk of your car!

6) Ask specifics about childcare. Some of the things you should check for depending on your situation: Were they alone with the kids or a helper? Can they change diapers? What kinds of things did they do with the children? Were they watching relatives kids only? (In many South American cultures this is to be expected as 'big families' help each other out and the teens and 20 year olds watch their younger siblings and cousins while the older family members work - it isn't necessarily a bad thing, but surprises many families.)

Host Family Tips - Preparing Room & Kids

2009-12-29T10:34:00.001-05:00

You need to have a room for the au pair when she arrives, it should have a door that shuts, a window or 2nd exit way, and a place to store clothes at the very minimum. Some families also put in TVs, radios, and computers. None of that is necessary and a lot of it will depend on your au pair and her personality. I've offered every au pair we've had a TV and DVD player and none of them have wanted it. I do put in a clock radio with an alarm as well as a radio/CD player that they have enjoyed; as well as a jewelry holder and shoe rack.

The other things we add to their room is pictures of the au pair and her family and friends that was sent to us from the agency from her sign up packet. I think this helps them feel more at home when they arrive.

They do not have to have their own bathroom. We have a home with only one bathroom and we've shared this with au pairs for the last 5 years. It has been fine.

Depending on the age of the child/ren, get them involved in preparing the room, reading the emails, looking at the pictures; it will help them get excited about the new person in their lives.

Other Tips:

Before they arrive:

You might want to consider sending your future au pair several things:

A copy of the local DMV manual to start studying.
An emailed copy of your household rules.

Keep in contact through email and phone up to her arrival, send her new pictures of the kids and keep her up-to-date about what's going on. This really helps her connect easier when she arrives.

When they arrive:

Arrive at the airport on time. Take a sign that the kids decorated. Many au pairs say they've saved this and taken it back home.

At home you might want to consider a welcome basket and balloons. Insider Tip: Do NOT take balloons to the airport. Trust me, she will have enough luggage and things to haul out of there. I learned from experience that balloons are not worth the hassle in the airport!

Some of the things I've put in the welcome basket:

Gift cards for Starbucks, the movies, Kmart, and a restaurant.
Candy
A copy of the Household Guidebook
Tourist Brochures about the area

Allow time to rest:

Au Pairs are generally very tired when reaching your house. They've had a very long week in classes, generally with very little sleep. They've taken several flights and may still be jet lagged from the beginning of the week. Usually I'm told all they want to do is unpack, get settled, rest and get to know the family. A dinner out or a quiet evening at home are good ideas for the first day or two. Remember you can't leave them alone for 3 days according to the State Department, but you can let them rest, help them tour the house, meet the family, and drive them around the town a bit.

Don't be upset if the first things they want to do is contact family and friends. Their accessibility to email and phones is generally limited the first week and their families want to know they have arrived and settled in safely.

Host Family Tips - Setting Expectations

2009-11-29T10:31:00.001-05:00

Setting Expectations

Think about your first day at a job. What would it be like if no one told you what you were suppose to do, what you were expected to wear, where all the tools were for the job, and what rules you needed to follow? You would probably be confused, frustrated, and then angry if someone got upset at you about doing something wrong. Believe it or not, au pairs enter family's homes and start working every week without knowing what's expected of them.

Putting together a household guidebook is an easy way to avoid this problem and get the year off to a good start. I personally send my guidebook oversea to my au pairs before they arrive, this way they know what to expect before they even board the plane.

Some of the items I put in my guidebook:

What activities to do with the kid/s,

What not to do with the kid/s.

What to do if the kid/s act up.

What they are expected to do as far as cleaning up after themselves and the kids.

Expectations as far as the pets.

Rules about the car and issues like gas, accidents, curfews, etc.

Rules about cleaning up after yourself.

Rules about the phone and computer.

Rules about having visitors and friends over.

How to use various appliances and household systems like the alarm system, washer and dryers, microwave, TV and all its attachments, and stove.

As well as provide information on the nearest hospital, library, recreation center, shopping stores, directions to the kid's schools, and other places of interest.

You can also add in your emergency contact information so this is a guidebook they can use all year round.

After writing and sharing the book...discuss it with the au pair after she has had a chance to read it to see if she has other questions.

Insider Tip: Do you guidebook in a computer document and save it, this makes it easier to change year to year as you get new au pairs and the duties surrounding the children change.

Au Pair Tips - Top 10 Helpful Tips

2010-01-29T10:48:00.001-05:00

10. ADMIT IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. Let your family know if the language is a problem. Admit if you don’t understand a word or directions. Ask questions. Relax – your English will improve rapidly during the first few weeks, and after you become accustomed to the family’s routine, you’ll find that the number of questions will decline.

SHOWER OR BATHE REGULARLY. Most Americans value cleanliness as a virtue. Families expect that their au pairs will bathe or shower regularly and change into clean clothes daily. Deodorant is also helpful.

BE A GOOD EXAMPLE. The children you care for look up to you. Don’t you do things in front of the children that their parents wouldn’t want them doing.

BE CONSIDERATE OF YOUR HOST PARENTS. Keep them informed of where you are going. If you are planning on traveling, discuss the details with them and make sure your plans do not interfere with their schedules.

FOLLOW HOUSE RULES. The only way you will establish trust is by following rules – even those with which you may not agree.

NEGOTIATE FOR CHANGE. If you have a problem, present it to your host parents clearly and calmly. Suggest your solution to the situation. Listen to what they say. Try to reach a compromise.

RESPECT THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS. Gossiping about other au pairs and their families may be very harmful. If your friends confide in you, honor the confidence. Do not tell your host family about what goes on in other families.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. No one is perfect. If you make a mistake, take responsibility and try to correct the situation.

BE A GOOD “BUDDY”. Remember what it is like to be a new au pair. Welcome new arrivals.

STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR LCC. Call if you can’t come to a meeting. Let us know if you’ll be out of town. Most important, call if you have a problem. We like hearing from you!

Host Family Tips - Driving

2010-03-29T10:43:00.001-04:00

Driving

Yes, some au pairs drive. In my experience 90 % come over with International Driver's Licenses. However, the process to get these licenses vary greatly from country to country. Based on the hundreds of au pairs I've worked with over the years:

25% I would put in my car the day they arrive in the US,

25% I would ride with for a week to make sure they understood the local signs and area;

25% I would work with for a month or two before they drove my car alone; and the last

25% I would never put in my car.

If you need a driver, the trick is to figure out what group your au pair is in.

Some countries have very rigorous training to get a license like Germany. If they have driven the autobahn there probably isn't many places in the US they couldn't drive. Other countries or in rural areas, even though the au pair may drive daily, it could be on a one lane village road and it may take months for the au pair to feel comfortable on a beltway.

Au pairs with race car in VA Beach!

When you interview the au pair; ask specific questions about driving if it is important to your family. Do you drive daily, weekly, monthly? Whose car? Are you going to school, work, or shopping every once in a while? How many lanes are on the road? What kind of weather conditions do you drive in? Be realistic, if they are in Ecuador they will probably not have experience driving in the snow.

Most US Citizen's understand that our driver's license process differs from state to state; so it is hard for me to go through the process for all 50 States on what your au pair should do when she arrives. Just know that she should be getting a US license from the state where she resides with you. Check with your local representative to find out what her process will be and how you can help her.

One last thing, insurance. You need to add her to your car insurance if she will be driving your vehicles. In my experience this is a very easy phone call to your agent. I just explain I have a new au pair, how long she has been licensed (in her country), and that she will be occasionally driving my car. My rates have varied over the years, but never gone up more than $25 per month for them to be added to an existing policy. The rates do vary by the age of the au pair, so check with your agent if you think it might be an issue.

Personally I highly recommend letting an au pair drive, even if it is just for personal reasons. There is nothing worse than an au pair who is stuck at your home with no way to get out and see friends or local attractions. Even if you share a vehicle, which is what I have always done, they can use the car in the evenings if they are off and you're not using it. This way they don't feel so trapped, and you don't feel like a driving service.

Host Family Tips - Education Options

2010-04-29T10:45:00.001-04:00

The U.S. Department of State requires that all au pairs must complete 6 credits (or its equivalent if it is a non-credit course) at an accredited post-secondary institution over the course of their year in the U.S. Host families are responsible for contributing up to $500 of this cost. Host families are also responsible for facilitating enrollment, providing reasonable time off and transportation so that their au pair can attend these courses.

While au pairs are excited to enroll in classes because of their exposure to the American education system and to other young people, they often find the credit system, course selections, and enrollment process confusing and expensive. Families should talk to their local representative, who will help them in researching the au pair's options in the community and assists the au pair in selecting and enrolling in classes that meet this requirement. I recommend that you begin this discussion with your representative and au pair soon after the au pair arrives.

If the au pair wants to stay a 2nd year, they will have to fulfill all of the educational requirements the 1st year to be allowed to renew their Visa.

At this time au pairs are NOT allowed to take:

Online or distance learning courses (including hybrid courses)
Study tours such as Trek America
Volunteering
Internships

Since I've been doing this for 6 years, I've seen lots of changes with the au pair education options, and I'm sure we will continue to see more. Check with your local representative to see what type of classes are available in your area.

Au Pair Tips - What Families Love

2010-04-29T10:53:00.001-04:00

What Host Parents Love:

Au Pairs who:

a. Are cheerful and talkative – ones who tell them about themselves and about what they do with the kids

b. Ask questions – ask if they are doing a good job, and if there is anything they need to improve on.

c. Do things without having to be asked. They do everything they are supposed to do without having to be reminded and even anticipate host parent’s and children’s needs.

d. Occasionally do extra things they are not required to do (ie. Cleaning up a room in the house, vacuuming out the car or helping out with the kids when it isn’t your official time to work). Usually these “extras” are appreciated and you will see host families doing extra for you too.

Host Family Tips - Going Home

2010-05-29T10:46:00.001-04:00

The initial Visa is for 1 year, with the opportunity to renew for another year; so in 1 maybe 2 years you will be saying goodbye. I'll be the first to admit it is very sad, though everyone of my au pairs have come back to visit us after going home, and we stay connected through emails, Facebook, and phone calls, I still miss them.

Au pairs have left our home while my daughter was 3, 4, and 6 years old. So we have developed certain rituals to help her adjust. One of the things we do is get our au pair an album and put in pictures of her year with us; we also take a picture of the au pair and my daughter and put it on my daughter's bed. She has a row of photos on her bed with 'big sisters' from overseas.

One thing we learned after the first year was not to let my daughter go to the airport to say goodbye. At the age of 3 she associated the airport as some place you go and don't come back from; so when Mommy had to fly out for trips, she had meltdowns for almost a year. so now we say goodbye to the girls at our home.

We also help our daughter look ahead to the next au pair and next adventure, versus focusing on the loss. Though as she has gotten older she understands that au pairs leave, we don't make it a huge deal, and often only really start discussing it about 1 to 2 weeks prior to the au pair's leaving. Though by that point we've 'introduced' her to the next au pair; it wasn't until recently that she started putting together "one has to leave for the next to arrive."

Each child is individual so obviously do what is best for your child. Don't let the au pairs eventual leaving be a hindrance to getting an au pair. In my experience the good times obviously overrule the bad, and there isn't any childcare (besides parents) that I've discovered that lasts through an entire childhood. Nannies can stay shorter than 1 year, or last longer; same with daycare providers, teachers, and coaches. People make connections and then move away. This loss is part of life and unfortunately part of a child's development. The best we can do as parents is support them through these experiences.

Summer Meeting - at the Pool

2010-06-15T10:32:00.001-04:00

Differences between Au Pairs and Nannies

2010-07-29T10:15:00.001-04:00

Why is an au pair different from a nanny?

Au pair are here on a J1 Visa, so there is a limit to the number of hours they can work and a minimum amount they can be paid. However, in my experience, they have more flexibility in the hours the can work versus the hours that most nannies are willing to work. It can be difficult to find a nanny who will do a split shift which is needed because of school, whereas it is an easy solution with an au pair.

Nannies generally want more pay for more children; the au pair stipend stays the same regardless of the number of children in your family.

Nannies are considered employees according to the IRS, and families, as employers, are required to do withholdings, pay and file their employer wages with the IRS on a regular basis. Au pairs get a stipend and families do not have to worry about employer filings according to the government.

Considering An Au Pair? - Choosing An Agency

2010-07-29T10:21:00.003-04:00

Au Pair Agencies or "Sponsors"

According to the US State Department, there are 12 agencies in the United States that are authorized to sponsor au pairs. All of these agencies need to follow the regulations laid out by the State Department, so they are similar in numerous way. What families need to compare is the ways they are dissimilar to find the agency that is right for them.

Here are some very important considerations:

1) Is there a coordinator or representative near you? The State Department says someone should be within 60 miles or 1 hour of your home. The larger agencies have representatives in all major cities and most suburbs; some of the other agencies do not. If you sign up with an agency that only services Florida, what happens if you get transferred to Virginia. That au pair who is living with you can NOT come since that agency does not have reps in VA. So the next question would be...

2) How big is the agency and can it accommodate you if you have to move?

3) Who is the local coordinator and how big is the group in your area? I couldn't even count the number of families I've had come to my group because the other local groups are so small. Social interaction is VERY important to the au pairs, and if they can't meet other au pairs they can become very isolated. See what monthly activities and meeting the coordinator has planned; everyone should be having them, it is regulated by the State Department, but not every local representative does.

4) How do they do the matching? Every agency is different how they match au pairs. I actually worked for a while as a matching coordinator; and it was lots of fun. Include my number of years running a nanny agency and matching families and nannies; and it is my personal belief that finding the right au pair is one of the most important parts of the process. Some agencies give you and other families lists and lists to scroll through. I'm personally pretty wary of that system, since it becomes very competitive when several families are interviewing the same girl. It also puts a lot of power into the hands of the au pairs. I've also gotten several families come to me after this process, very frustrated. If they have twins, or more than 3 kids, or not that fancy of a house, the au pairs kept turning them down for 'better offers' from families with less kids, or a better home location. The other system, which we use, is one on one matching, which means you're the only family looking at that au pair. The agency I work for has integrated that system in a mix where families can look at au pairs, then request a one-on-one match with that au pair.

5) How do they train the au pairs? The State Department requires each agency provide the au pair with a certain number of training hours,; how they do that can vary GREATLY by agency. Some just send video tapes overseas and tell the au pairs to watch it before they arrive, others put them in hotels and conference rooms for a few days, and one has a permanent location with housing just for the au pairs. This is how your au pair is going to get oriented to the US and spend their first week here, it is a good thing to find out when comparing agencies.

6) What happens if it doesn't work out? Yep, it happens. Sometimes it is just a bad match for numerous different reasons, the question is, how will your agency handle it if it doesn't work out. My first au pair lasted 2 weeks, so I know! She was allergic to my dogs. The changing process for me was very smooth, within 2 weeks they found me another au pair in the country, available right away; and found her a home with no dogs. My new au pair was awesome and we still keep in touch. Ask the agency you are considering about how they work this. Do they have enough au pairs in the country to get you someone right away? Or are they so small they have to go overseas so you have to wait 5 -6 weeks? Do they charge a fee? When I first heard about some agencies doing this I was STUNNED. If I were with them, I would have to pay more money because the person I got couldn't live in my home because of dogs. That is like adding insult to injury.

7) Costs? In general most agencies have about the same fees. A few agencies require you pay certain au pairs more weekly depending on their skills; but usually they are the same with the au pair's stipend being based on an equation that deals with minimum wage. Insider tip: When contacting an agency or their representative - ask about specials, promotions etc. in my experience, there is usually one but may not be widely advertised.

8) What countries do they come from? The larger agencies recruit from over 30 countries, the smaller one from around 10. Find out where they recruit from, do they have their own offices or do they use agents? This will help you know how much selection you will have.

These are the main questions you want to ask while exploring an agency. Other things you may want to check will be their refund policy, if you quit the program or if you loose your job. Ask for references from other local families, see how they like the local representative.

Yes, I work for one of the largest agencies, but I'm not putting that information here...2 reasons. 1) I want to be as unbiased as possible, though as you can read, I do make my opinions known and 2) I would rather you call me directly to learn more about the program, since we do get credit for bringing in new people.

Host Family Tips - Adjustment Period

2010-01-29T10:36:00.000-05:00

Adjustment Period and Settling In

Every au pair and family is different for what it takes to get the au pair settled into her American life for a year. Sometimes things become complicated with government offices, but I've done my best to put everything in one place for you to use as a reference point.

After your au pair gets settled in:

1) The next thing you should probably do is get a bank account. This account is an important document you will need to prove your au pair's local residency. However, some banks first require a social security card, check with your bank.

2) Social Security Id's. Wait 7 to 10 days before going to the Social Security office and when you do go, don't forget to take the forms that the agency has provided your au pair proving sponsorship and all her documentation.

3) Driver's License. I highly encourage the au pairs to get a local driver's license, not just use their International. There are a list of reasons why it can be useful, that usually overpower the desire not to deal with the hassle.

1. If it is lost, it is easier to replace than an overseas license,

2. If they stay a 2nd year, their International will have expired,

3. They can use it to show local residence so they can get discounts at some local businesses.

4. Some insurance companies demand a local license,

5. In most States it is the law.

Now that all the paperwork is out of the way, it is never too early to start discussing things like vacations, and school credits. Also homesickness can become an issue.

Homesickness - After 7 years and a few hundred girls, there isn't a formula for who will be homesick and who won't; or to what extent. The first few weeks are the "honeymoon" stage where au pairs are just so excited to be here, they haven't had time to think about home; but I've also had au pairs who are miserable from the time they enter the home. Out of the large number of au pairs I've seen over the years, only 3 have gone home homesick. So the good news is, they generally get over it. My best advice is to get them OUT of their room, OFF the phone and computer and making friends. This doesn't mean they shouldn't talk with their family and friends, they would be worse if they were totally cut off; however, the more they get out with the other girls, talk to people who've been in their situation, and HAVE FUN, the better they feel.

Host families should encourage them to call other girls, go out, explore, and call their local coordinator if they need help connecting with the others.

Though you might feel bad reminding them of home, DON'T. Ask them questions about their families and friends, find out what they liked to do at home, find out why they wanted to do this in the first place and remind them of their goals and dreams for coming to the US.

Cultural Differences - There will be differences, things you never thought of and the best advice I can offer is be open minded and COMMUNICATE. If your au pair does something you think is 'crazy' ASK why. It might be something that is completely normal in her family or cultural. Don't judge, just communicate and if it is something that may need some changes made, talk about them. And don't forget, you might do some things that are crazy to her. Encourage her to ask questions and to communicate with you.

In my opinion 95% of the problems you will experience can be solve with good communication.

Though these cultural differences may seem challenging sometimes, learning about our differences and embracing other cultures is the glory of this program. It can teach your children such a valuable lesson about people from around the world, the ways we are similar and the ways we are different.